My Zipper Broke

2003-08-21T15:08:00.000-04:00

I'm trying not to forget my roots.

Someday, my family will realise that they don't need me chained to the front gate in order to feel love for me and personal happiness.

Mom and Dad, I just want you to be happy. I wish there was some way I could have some of the happiness I wish for you as well.
I won't take your precious money.

Money makes the world go round indeed. It makes the world spin out of control so that everyone is dizzy and fucked up in the head and they can't see people who love them on their knees in front of them, begging them to set eyes on them again.

2003-08-14T01:26:00.000-04:00

Other than my brand new LJ (ie pussypuckerpots) which I adore, I went and made another blog for my late night ramblings like right now. Call me bo liao but the site was so cool that I could hardly resist. Go check out.

sleeptalk

2003-08-14T00:13:00.000-04:00

Another night of hell.

I think often of this guy I met last summer. He's supposed to be the guy I lie in bed with every night now. However, it isn't him. No one else knows it, not even him, but I do.

I miss him so much. I wonder where he is, what he's doing now, what he's thinking.

I know what I'm thinking. I'm thinking about him. Every single moment. My heart follows behind him, yearning for him to turn back. I wonder if he thinks of me too...

2003-08-13T16:38:00.000-04:00

Announcement

The photo essay has begun...

PussyPuckerPots

2003-08-13T01:50:00.000-04:00

Dying Words of a Love Affair

What is it about the mundane and the everyday that destroys us so? Does the normalcy of life that brings us crashing down in flames like planes caught in a storm? Is there such a thing as too much togetherness? Or too much love?

A sacrifice counts for nothing when the everyday creeps into a relationship. Love, care and companionship doesn't count for anything when boredom sets in. We got complacent, lazy, greedy and selfish. The best of us is dead. The love is comatose. The fire has ceased.

Sometimes I think I should fight back. Storm down to hell with a cleaver and look normalcy straight in the eye and say "I'm not afraid of you" but I can't. I'm weak.

I can't say he's not hurting me. He stabs me in the heart with his hundred thousand blades, once and again, over and over, laughing at my pain as I writhe and squirm in twisted contortions on the ground.

He points his wicked finger at me, and hisses "You shall die."

No more will I sit and cry. No more will I let him rob me of the things that matter to me. I will not let him dissolve my soul with his filthy meanness. Even if that means I have to shield myself with my already battered heart.

I look at you now and say "You have let our love die. I will never forget your eyes as they filled with love for one last time and heaved it's dying breath onto my heart. Now as you spew your boredom on me, I shall always remember what was before and wish on every dying star that it will return... that you will return. As I lay next to you and see your vacant eyes stare back at mine with confusion and suspicion, I see your heart looking straight past my imploring one...."

I will wish, and I will dance myself silly in the tag game that has started between us just to keep hope afloat.

2003-08-09T21:33:00.000-04:00

oh my god, children. Look at what Steve found!

insultmonger.com

For the good of mankind, I shall put this link here and on the links bar. Enjoy!

2003-08-08T01:34:00.000-04:00

Emptiness

It's like that very first day
When the world ended,
And everything reached a period.

That feeling of utter
Nothingness.
Where love has ceased to live.

It's this plane of ugliness,
of tears and blood and wails.
The Banshee calls her sorrow.

She wails and moans and shrieks,
Clutching at her hideous breast.
Her lover watches in glee.

He laughs and points and jeers,
With his wicked heart.
The crickets cry with her pain.

And then everything burns,
In a huge ball of fire.
It burns and blisters and burns again.

2003-07-25T23:57:00.000-04:00

hello my dear friends.

i miss you all so much. sigh. post stuff please. tell me how you guys are doing.

i've been disgustingly busy with school and trying to make money. sigh. finances are in dire straits. think will have to work a silly fast food job soon so i can afford to buy things. terrid.

anyhow, school sucks as usual. not learning anything i really care about. hehe. whats new.

on the bright side, i sent in 2 poems i wrote in 5 mins to some silly poetry contest cos i was desperately trying to make money. i haven't made any money out of it yet but i received a letter from the organisers telling me they like my poems and they wanna publish em! so i have my poems in a book! yippee! then i received this other letter 2 days yesterday from another book saying they wanna take my poems too! so although i make no money at all off this, i'm published in 2 books! yippee!!! hopefully this brings me to some money. *grin*

i think the books have real corny names like "eternal portraits" and "wings of something.. donno what." oh well.

one more update. steve and i are moving to a different apt complex. this new one has pink walls (outside walls) and the front door is green. hehe. it's cheaper but the amenities are marvelous. here's the list.
- LARGE gym
- tennis court with a tennis instructor that comes in to give free lessons
- 3 pools with jacuzzi pools
- a bar at the pool
- bbq pits
- a dance hall that organises free yoga, aerobics and pilates classes
- a mini library
- free video rental
- racquetball court
- bowling alley
- pool room
- computer centre
- sauna
- function rooms

etc.

WOW.

we're moving in early sept. can't wait. hehe. :)

also, we're going to north carolina next weekend. will put pics up. :)

how're you all doing? sorry i haven't been online and i haven't been updating my blog much. i'll try to be better about it. :)

2003-07-17T15:42:00.000-04:00

apologies to all for my unexplained disappearance. been really busy trying to do maths. know that i still love you guys. :) please hurl abuse at me. :) looking forward to it.

2003-07-11T22:42:00.000-04:00

Todays Quote (said while standing in the kitchen): "ouch! my chia bai hurts!"

2003-07-09T19:14:00.000-04:00

Today's shit-ass comment:

Teacher: "Do you know why I said the people who live on land? Because there are people here who live on land. unlike in Singapore where everybody lives in boats."

Me: *gasp*

*Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr*

2003-07-07T17:51:00.000-04:00

hey kids. added more links. i found tons of cool sites. anyway, try out the test on political compass to see where you stand in terms of politics. hehe. i'm Libertarian Left. which is closer to Gandhi than anyone else. so i'm pretty happy. post your results on the chatterbox! have fun!

2003-06-26T17:03:00.000-04:00

i just started school! i have a life! yippee!!!! and gill's coming to orlando to visit!!! YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

by the way, i hate maths.

2003-06-20T19:29:00.000-04:00

to anyone who cares:

my cat squeaks, fetches things like a dog and drinks off the toilet bowl.

and that's why i love her. *beams*

2003-06-13T23:18:00.000-04:00

cool game. see if you can trap more sperm than me. i got 196. Steve got 202.

http://www.catcha.com.sg/durex.html

courtesy of jem. *hehe*

2003-06-13T22:40:00.000-04:00

oooohhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!! i found a site that actually PLAYS like all the tracks in the album. go check it out!

even if you don't like the music, go check out the graphics anyway. it's really cool. click around with the buttons below. very cool.

http://capitolrecords.com/radiohead/player/

2003-06-13T22:37:00.000-04:00

Radiohead's new album is out! it's called "Hail To The Thief" and it's cooler than shit. after Kid A and Amnesiac, where i was totally disappointed with them and pissed off at their lame attempts at "renewing themselves" and "experimenting", they finally came up with another brilliant album. i won't say it's anything like The Bends or OK Computer (which both rule the earth), but this one is great in itself. i heard "sail to the moon" and "there there" already so far and they're excellent shit. i can't wait to get the damned album. i'm so bloody excited. steve's advocating that i DOWNLOADthe music. *bewildered gasp* does he not realise that this is RADIOHEAD we're talking about here? *cross-eyed glare* you do NOT download RADIOHEAD. i'm buying it. i don't care...... i MUST have the album............ *frantic psychotic shifty-eyed gasps*

oh yeah dave, i think you might actually like this one. *grin*

2003-06-13T14:12:00.000-04:00

a different Enneagram Test. sort of like a follow up to the original one that dave did.

Conscious self	Overall self

Take Free Enneagram Test

2003-06-13T14:01:00.000-04:00

this is a damned detailed personality test. dave got me started on taking these damned tests. i'm on a roll, baby! first one on the list. i'm going to start on the rest. heh. will post results up here.

IPIP-NEO Narrative Report

Extraversion
Extraversion is marked by pronounced engagement with the external world. Extraverts enjoy being with people, are full of energy, and often experience positive emotions. They tend to be enthusiastic, action-oriented, individuals who are likely to say "Yes!" or "Let's go!" to opportunities for excitement. In groups they like to talk, assert themselves, and draw attention to themselves.

Introverts lack the exuberance, energy, and activity levels of extraverts. They tend to be quiet, low-key, deliberate, and disengaged from the social world. Their lack of social involvement should not be interpreted as shyness or depression; the introvert simply needs less stimulation than an extravert and prefers to be alone. The independence and reserve of the introvert is sometimes mistaken as unfriendliness or arrogance. In reality, an introvert who scores high on the agreeableness dimension will not seek others out but will be quite pleasant when approached.

Domain/Facet........... Score 0--------10--------20--------30--------40--------50--------60--------70--------80--------90--------99

EXTRAVERSION...............36 ************************************

..Friendliness.............85 *************************************************************************************

..Gregariousness...........50 **************************************************

..Assertiveness............12 ************

..Activity Level...........12 ************

..Excitement-Seeking.......41 *****************************************

..Cheerfulness.............39 ***************************************

Your score on Extraversion is average, indicating you are neither a subdued loner nor a jovial chatterbox. You enjoy time with others but also time alone.

Extraversion Facets
Friendliness. Friendly people genuinely like other people and openly demonstrate positive feelings toward others. They make friends quickly and it is easy for them to form close, intimate relationships. Low scorers on Friendliness are not necessarily cold and hostile, but they do not reach out to others and are perceived as distant and reserved. Your level of friendliness is high.
Gregariousness. Gregarious people find the company of others pleasantly stimulating and rewarding. They enjoy the excitement of crowds. Low scorers tend to feel overwhelmed by, and therefore actively avoid, large crowds. They do not necessarily dislike being with people sometimes, but their need for privacy and time to themselves is much greater than for individuals who score high on this scale. Your level of gregariousness is average.
Assertiveness. High scorers Assertiveness like to speak out, take charge, and direct the activities of others. They tend to be leaders in groups. Low scorers tend not to talk much and let others control the activities of groups. Your level of assertiveness is low.
Activity Level. Active individuals lead fast-paced, busy lives. They move about quickly, energetically, and vigorously, and they are involved in many activities. People who score low on this scale follow a slower and more leisurely, relaxed pace. Your activity level is low.
Excitement-Seeking. High scorers on this scale are easily bored without high levels of stimulation. They love bright lights and hustle and bustle. They are likely to take risks and seek thrills. Low scorers are overwhelmed by noise and commotion and are adverse to thrill-seeking. Your level of excitement-seeking is average.
Cheerfulness. This scale measures positive mood and feelings, not negative emotions (which are a part of the Neuroticism domain). Persons who score high on this scale typically experience a range of positive feelings, including happiness, enthusiasm, optimism, and joy. Low scorers are not as prone to such energetic, high spirits. Your level of positive emotions is average.

Agreeableness
Agreeableness reflects individual differences in concern with cooperation and social harmony. Agreeable individuals value getting along with others. They are therefore considerate, friendly, generous, helpful, and willing to compromise their interests with others'. Agreeable people also have an optimistic view of human nature. They believe people are basically honest, decent, and trustworthy.

Disagreeable individuals place self-interest above getting along with others. They are generally unconcerned with others' well-being, and therefore are unlikely to extend themselves for other people. Sometimes their skepticism about others' motives causes them to be suspicious, unfriendly, and uncooperative.

Agreeableness is obviously advantageous for attaining and maintaining popularity. Agreeable people are better liked than disagreeable people. On the other hand, agreeableness is not useful in situations that require tough or absolute objective decisions. Disagreeable people can make excellent scientists, critics, or soldiers.

Domain/Facet........... Score 0--------10--------20--------30--------40--------50--------60--------70--------80--------90--------99

AGREEABLENESS..............62 **************************************************************

..Trust....................95 ***********************************************************************************************

..Morality.................10 **********

..Altruism.................66 ******************************************************************

..Cooperation..............64 ****************************************************************

..Modesty..................60 ************************************************************

..Sympathy.................31 *******************************

Your level of Agreeableness is average, indicating some concern with others' Needs, but, generally, unwillingness to sacrifice yourself for others.

Agreeableness Facets
Trust. A person with high trust assumes that most people are fair, honest, and have good intentions. Persons low in trust see others as selfish, devious, and potentially dangerous. Your level of trust is high.
Morality. High scorers on this scale see no need for pretense or manipulation when dealing with others and are therefore candid, frank, and sincere. Low scorers believe that a certain amount of deception in social relationships is necessary. People find it relatively easy to relate to the straightforward high-scorers on this scale. They generally find it more difficult to relate to the unstraightforward low-scorers on this scale. It should be made clear that low scorers are not unprincipled or immoral; they are simply more guarded and less willing to openly reveal the whole truth. Your level of morality is low.
Altruism. Altruistic people find helping other people genuinely rewarding. Consequently, they are generally willing to assist those who are in need. Altruistic people find that doing things for others is a form of self-fulfillment rather than self-sacrifice. Low scorers on this scale do not particularly like helping those in need. Requests for help feel like an imposition rather than an opportunity for self-fulfillment. Your level of altruism is average.
Cooperation. Individuals who score high on this scale dislike confrontations. They are perfectly willing to compromise or to deny their own needs in order to get along with others. Those who score low on this scale are more likely to intimidate others to get their way. Your level of compliance is average.
Modesty. High scorers on this scale do not like to claim that they are better than other people. In some cases this attitude may derive from low self-confidence or self-esteem. Nonetheless, some people with high self-esteem find immodesty unseemly. Those who are willing to describe themselves as superior tend to be seen as disagreeably arrogant by other people. Your level of modesty is average.
Sympathy. People who score high on this scale are tenderhearted and compassionate. They feel the pain of others vicariously and are easily moved to pity. Low scorers are not affected strongly by human suffering. They pride themselves on making objective judgments based on reason. They are more concerned with truth and impartial justice than with mercy. Your level of tender-mindedness is low.

Conscientiousness

Conscientiousness concerns the way in which we control, regulate, and direct our impulses. Impulses are not inherently bad; occasionally time constraints require a snap decision, and acting on our first impulse can be an effective response. Also, in times of play rather than work, acting spontaneously and impulsively can be fun. Impulsive individuals can be seen by others as colorful, fun-to-be-with, and zany.

Nonetheless, acting on impulse can lead to trouble in a number of ways. Some impulses are antisocial. Uncontrolled antisocial acts not only harm other members of society, but also can result in retribution toward the perpetrator of such impulsive acts. Another problem with impulsive acts is that they often produce immediate rewards but undesirable, long-term consequences. Examples include excessive socializing that leads to being fired from one's job, hurling an insult that causes the breakup of an important relationship, or using pleasure-inducing drugs that eventually destroy one's health.

Impulsive behavior, even when not seriously destructive, diminishes a person's effectiveness in significant ways. Acting impulsively disallows contemplating alternative courses of action, some of which would have been wiser than the impulsive choice. Impulsivity also sidetracks people during projects that require organized sequences of steps or stages. Accomplishments of an impulsive person are therefore small, scattered, and inconsistent.

A hallmark of intelligence, what potentially separates human beings from earlier life forms, is the ability to think about future consequences before acting on an impulse. Intelligent activity involves contemplation of long-range goals, organizing and planning routes to these goals, and persisting toward one's goals in the face of short-lived impulses to the contrary. The idea that intelligence involves impulse control is nicely captured by the term prudence, an alternative label for the Conscientiousness domain. Prudent means both wise and cautious. Persons who score high on the Conscientiousness scale are, in fact, perceived by others as intelligent.

The benefits of high conscientiousness are obvious. Conscientious individuals avoid trouble and achieve high levels of success through purposeful planning and persistence. They are also positively regarded by others as intelligent and reliable. On the negative side, they can be compulsive perfectionists and workaholics. Furthermore, extremely conscientious individuals might be regarded as stuffy and boring. Unconscientious people may be criticized for their unreliability, lack of ambition, and failure to stay within the lines, but they will experience many short-lived pleasures and they will never be called stuffy.

Domain/Facet........... Score 0--------10--------20--------30--------40--------50--------60--------70--------80--------90--------99

CONSCIENTIOUSNESS..........45 *********************************************

..Self-Efficacy............49 *************************************************

..Orderliness..............81 *********************************************************************************

..Dutifulness..............44 ********************************************

..Achievement-Striving.....26 **************************

..Self-Discipline..........14 **************

..Cautiousness.............50 **************************************************

Your score on Conscientiousness is average. This means you are reasonably reliable, organized, and self-controlled.

Conscientiousness Facets

Self-Efficacy. Self-Efficacy describes confidence in one's ability to accomplish things. High scorers believe they have the intelligence (common sense), drive, and self-control necessary for achieving success. Low scorers do not feel effective, and may have a sense that they are not in control of their lives. Your level of self-efficacy is average.
Orderliness. Persons with high scores on orderliness are well-organized. They like to live according to routines and schedules. They keep lists and make plans. Low scorers tend to be disorganized and scattered. Your level of orderliness is high.
Dutifulness. This scale reflects the strength of a person's sense of duty and obligation. Those who score high on this scale have a strong sense of moral obligation. Low scorers find contracts, rules, and regulations overly confining. They are likely to be seen as unreliable or even irresponsible. Your level of dutifulness is average.
Achievement-Striving. Individuals who score high on this scale strive hard to achieve excellence. Their drive to be recognized as successful keeps them on track toward their lofty goals. They often have a strong sense of direction in life, but extremely high scores may be too single-minded and obsessed with their work. Low scorers are content to get by with a minimal amount of work, and might be seen by others as lazy. Your level of achievement striving is low.
Self-Discipline. Self-discipline-what many people call will-power-refers to the ability to persist at difficult or unpleasant tasks until they are completed. People who possess high self-discipline are able to overcome reluctance to begin tasks and stay on track despite distractions. Those with low self-discipline procrastinate and show poor follow-through, often failing to complete tasks-even tasks they want very much to complete. Your level of self-discipline is low.
Cautiousness. Cautiousness describes the disposition to think through possibilities before acting. High scorers on the Cautiousness scale take their time when making decisions. Low scorers often say or do first thing that comes to mind without deliberating alternatives and the probable consequences of those alternatives. Your level of cautiousness is average.

Neuroticism

Freud originally used the term neurosis to describe a condition marked by mental distress, emotional suffering, and an inability to cope effectively with the normal demands of life. He suggested that everyone shows some signs of neurosis, but that we differ in our degree of suffering and our specific symptoms of distress. Today neuroticism refers to the tendency to experience negative feelings. Those who score high on Neuroticism may experience primarily one specific negative feeling such as anxiety, anger, or depression, but are likely to experience several of these emotions. People high in neuroticism are emotionally reactive. They respond emotionally to events that would not affect most people, and their reactions tend to be more intense than normal. They are more likely to interpret ordinary situations as threatening, and minor frustrations as hopelessly difficult. Their negative emotional reactions tend to persist for unusually long periods of time, which means they are often in a bad mood. These problems in emotional regulation can diminish a neurotic's ability to think clearly, make decisions, and cope effectively with stress.

At the other end of the scale, individuals who score low in neuroticism are less easily upset and are less emotionally reactive. They tend to be calm, emotionally stable, and free from persistent negative feelings. Freedom from negative feelings does not mean that low scorers experience a lot of positive feelings; frequency of positive emotions is a component of the Extraversion domain.

Domain/Facet........... Score 0--------10--------20--------30--------40--------50--------60--------70--------80--------90--------99

NEUROTICISM................22 **********************

..Anxiety..................58 **********************************************************

..Anger....................27 ***************************

..Depression...............43 *******************************************

..Self-Consciousness.......14 **************

..Immoderation.............9 *********

..Vulnerability............33 *********************************

Your score on Neuroticism is low, indicating that you are exceptionally calm, composed and unflappable. You do not react with intense emotions, even to situations that most people would describe as stressful.

Neuroticism Facets

Anxiety. The "fight-or-flight" system of the brain of anxious individuals is too easily and too often engaged. Therefore, people who are high in anxiety often feel like something dangerous is about to happen. They may be afraid of specific situations or be just generally fearful. They feel tense, jittery, and nervous. Persons low in Anxiety are generally calm and fearless. Your level of anxiety is average.
Anger. Persons who score high in Anger feel enraged when things do not go their way. They are sensitive about being treated fairly and feel resentful and bitter when they feel they are being cheated. This scale measures the tendency to feel angry; whether or not the person expresses annoyance and hostility depends on the individual's level on Agreeableness. Low scorers do not get angry often or easily. Your level of anger is low.
Depression. This scale measures the tendency to feel sad, dejected, and discouraged. High scorers lack energy and have difficult initiating activities. Low scorers tend to be free from these depressive feelings. Your level of depression is average.
Self-Consciousness. Self-conscious individuals are sensitive about what others think of them. Their concern about rejection and ridicule cause them to feel shy and uncomfortable abound others. They are easily embarrassed and often feel ashamed. Their fears that others will criticize or make fun of them are exaggerated and unrealistic, but their awkwardness and discomfort may make these fears a self-fulfilling prophecy. Low scorers, in contrast, do not suffer from the mistaken impression that everyone is watching and judging them. They do not feel nervous in social situations. Your level or self-consciousness is low.
Immoderation. Immoderate individuals feel strong cravings and urges that they have have difficulty resisting. They tend to be oriented toward short-term pleasures and rewards rather than long- term consequences. Low scorers do not experience strong, irresistible cravings and consequently do not find themselves tempted to overindulge. Your level of immoderation is low.
Vulnerability. High scorers on Vulnerability experience panic, confusion, and helplessness when under pressure or stress. Low scorers feel more poised, confident, and clear-thinking when stressed. Your level of vulnerability is average.

Openness to Experience

Openness to Experience describes a dimension of cognitive style that distinguishes imaginative, creative people from down-to-earth, conventional people. Open people are intellectually curious, appreciative of art, and sensitive to beauty. They tend to be, compared to closed people, more aware of their feelings. They tend to think and act in individualistic and nonconforming ways. Intellectuals typically score high on Openness to Experience; consequently, this factor has also been called Culture or Intellect. Nonetheless, Intellect is probably best regarded as one aspect of openness to experience. Scores on Openness to Experience are only modestly related to years of education and scores on standard intelligent tests.

Another characteristic of the open cognitive style is a facility for thinking in symbols and abstractions far removed from concrete experience. Depending on the individual's specific intellectual abilities, this symbolic cognition may take the form of mathematical, logical, or geometric thinking, artistic and metaphorical use of language, music composition or performance, or one of the many visual or performing arts. People with low scores on openness to experience tend to have narrow, common interests. They prefer the plain, straightforward, and obvious over the complex, ambiguous, and subtle. They may regard the arts and sciences with suspicion, regarding these endeavors as abstruse or of no practical use. Closed people prefer familiarity over novelty; they are conservative and resistant to change.

Openness is often presented as healthier or more mature by psychologists, who are often themselves open to experience. However, open and closed styles of thinking are useful in different environments. The intellectual style of the open person may serve a professor well, but research has shown that closed thinking is related to superior job performance in police work, sales, and a number of service occupations.

Domain/Facet........... Score 0--------10--------20--------30--------40--------50--------60--------70--------80--------90--------99

OPENNESS TO EXPERIENCE.....55 *******************************************************

..Imagination..............74 **************************************************************************

..Artistic Interests.......61 *************************************************************

..Emotionality.............31 *******************************

..Adventurousness..........31 *******************************

..Intellect................37 *************************************

..Liberalism...............78 ******************************************************************************

Your score on Openness to Experience is average, indicating you enjoy tradition but are willing to try new things. Your thinking is neither simple nor complex. To others you appear to be a well-educated person but not an intellectual.

Openness Facets

Imagination. To imaginative individuals, the real world is often too plain and ordinary. High scorers on this scale use fantasy as a way of creating a richer, more interesting world. Low scorers are on this scale are more oriented to facts than fantasy. Your level of imagination is high.
Artistic Interests. High scorers on this scale love beauty, both in art and in nature. They become easily involved and absorbed in artistic and natural events. They are not necessarily artistically trained nor talented, although many will be. The defining features of this scale are interest in, and appreciation of natural and artificial beauty. Low scorers lack aesthetic sensitivity and interest in the arts. Your level of artistic interests is average.
Emotionality. Persons high on Emotionality have good access to and awareness of their own feelings. Low scorers are less aware of their feelings and tend not to express their emotions openly. Your level of emotionality is low.
Adventurousness. High scorers on adventurousness are eager to try new activities, travel to foreign lands, and experience different things. They find familiarity and routine boring, and will take a new route home just because it is different. Low scorers tend to feel uncomfortable with change and prefer familiar routines. Your level of adventurousness is low.
Intellect. Intellect and artistic interests are the two most important, central aspects of openness to experience. High scorers on Intellect love to play with ideas. They are open-minded to new and unusual ideas, and like to debate intellectual issues. They enjoy riddles, puzzles, and brain teasers. Low scorers on Intellect prefer dealing with either people or things rather than ideas. They regard intellectual exercises as a waste of time. Intellect should not be equated with intelligence. Intellect is an intellectual style, not an intellectual ability, although high scorers on Intellect score slightly higher than low-Intellect individuals on standardized intelligence tests. Your level of intellect is average.
Liberalism. Psychological liberalism refers to a readiness to challenge authority, convention, and traditional values. In its most extreme form, psychological liberalism can even represent outright hostility toward rules, sympathy for law-breakers, and love of ambiguity, chaos, and disorder. Psychological conservatives prefer the security and stability brought by conformity to tradition. Psychological liberalism and conservatism are not identical to political affiliation, but certainly incline individuals toward certain political parties. Your level of liberalism is high.

2003-06-13T11:35:00.000-04:00

free enneagram test

The caring, interpersonal type. Twos are empathetic, sincere, and warm-hearted. They are friendly, generous, and self-sacrificing, but can also be sentimental, flattering, and people-pleasing. They are well-meaning and driven to be close to others, but can slip into doing things for others in order to be needed. They typically have problems with possessiveness and with acknowledging their own needs. At their Best: unselfish and altruistic, they have unconditional love for others.

2003-06-12T16:39:00.000-04:00

hey my pretty friends,

new pics up and new links up too. new template and new sections too. hehe. check em out!

2003-06-11T10:25:00.000-04:00

Faith Poem

I don't know how to do anytthing
I am trying to move mountains with words
But I am an ant
I scribble
I drool
I move like a worm
whose world
(words)
encompassed a mile
How do I rise above?
Where will this worm
find wings?
I look in the mirror
and I see filth
Who is that?
Where did The Angel go?
Why is there dirt
staring back at me?
Why is the soil of
incompetence beneath my nails
Why does doubt paint
blue rings
beneath my eyes and
stain my skin
Why does my spine assume failure
Why do my lips
flirt with the sky;
why do I try to lasso
Beauty with such a
pitiful rope?
Where is the hair of Rapunzel
or Samson?
Where is my sling
Where is my stone,
My gun?
Where is the weapon with which
I may fight this apathy
that feels like sleep
in my limbs
that loosens my brother's smile
That kills my neighbor's daughter
This pen is scrawny and hardly
seems able to ink out
or erase this plague that
infests my
Generation
This Giant, This Ogre
This Beast, This Death
that assumes a million faces,
that borrows my own.

2003-06-11T10:24:00.000-04:00

hey kids. back from the weekend. my fever's finally gone and that's always a good thing. i gotta get ready for my orientation program soon. *bleah* i hate orientation programs. i actually have to talk to people and be sociable. yucko. hopefully someone talks to me first cos i don't wanna have to be all perky and start convos. guess i gotta start making other friends soon. gotta move on with my life. hehe.

i don't see too much of stevie cos he works so much. and he's going to do overtime this weekend. both days. i guess it's my fault cos i'm expensive to keep. oh well. hopefully things get better. i will get more of my own life, settle in and we'll never have to worry about me anymore. *sigh*

in other news, my hair got longer. and i miss you guys so much.

pictures will be put up soon. we've been stalling. hehe.

What I Wanted

I guess what I wanted was to hear
you'd stay with me always.
I guess what I wanted was to see
those hands vowing never to leave my own.
I guess what I wanted to know was
I am not loving in vain.

2003-06-07T16:52:00.000-04:00

hey children, i'm at stevie's mom's place now probably using his brother's computer. am here for the second day now and it's been pretty fun. they're really nice people. but unfortunately, i had to be bloody sick... i can't do anything now and stuck ay home reading about humbert humbert's paedophilic escapades (mmm... yummy) while everyone else goes playing in the sun on brian's (steve's bro) new waverunner...... bleah. i hate being sick. so damned suay. nonetheless, i managed to entertain myself with dear old humbert and also jan's (steve's mom) 4 animals. (including dumpling) dumpling's getting bigger now and she looks just like cleo from the canteen (except dumpy's prettier.) we're bringing her home with us on sunday. hehehe. the other animals are a BIG orange cat called Taylor (Brian's), a littler black cat called Ebony, a really really old and limp and blind and deaf unidentifiable dog called Holly... and a gorgeous giant retriever called amber who is my personal favourite.

once i get better, i will have more fun and more pictures.. sigh. the tragedy. a wasted vacation... *dramatic faint*

anyhoo. for all those who care, i start orientation at the community college on june 11. hehehehe. i'll pick something out for you mel. *wink* time to start terrorising america.... (if i get over my bloody fever... dammit! it's impeding my plans to take over the world...)

p/s: a quick poke. EVANESCENCE concert coming up. AND STEVE'S TAKING ME! :p

2003-06-05T09:33:00.000-04:00

been ill the past 2 days. fever. twas disgusting. couldn't move and was stuck in bed the whole time. good thing stevie was nice and took great care of me. i'm feeling alot better now but for some reason i'm sweating like crazy (and i'm in AC) my granny used to say sweating after a fever means i'm on my way to recovering. (hope she's right) yucko.. skin sticking to chair.. eeew..

going to see the in-laws tomorrow. hehe. i'm excited. will put up pics if we take any. (esp for yin's benefit. *wink*)

by the way kids, this is exciting news. unclemelon, from the unclemelon site that we all love, actually dropped me a line on the chatterbox! yippee!!!!
unclemelon, if you can see this, i just wanted to let you know that everyone who've been to your site love it! it's cool.

i miss all of you. so much. sigh.

been listening to white stripes, dave. it's good stuff. i'm slowly invading steve's cd player in his car. white stripes is sitting there now. will pick another cd to bring down. *evil diabolical laugh*
KILL THE TECHNO!!!!!

2003-06-03T13:13:00.000-04:00

For Stevie,

What should I call the feeling i get
When i wake up next to you in the morning?
What should I call that warmth
That exudes from your every smile?

What is that thrill I feel
When i hear you say you love me?
What is that tenderness I give to you
When I say I love you back?

It's the need and the want
To try and try
And the desire
To make every moment last forever.

2003-06-03T13:05:00.000-04:00

i got married today.
call me Mrs Palik....

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*scream*
*scream*

*giggle*

2003-06-02T10:43:00.000-04:00

fact to ponder:

why is it americans make their dimes smaller than their one cent coins when the value of the dime is clearly bigger?

and why can't they just call dimes 10 cents?

weirdos..... only make life difficult for me.. *mutter mutter*

2003-06-01T12:47:00.000-04:00

i miss everyone. though i get to talk to all of you everyday. (at least most of you), it's still pretty lonely. i miss the times we had and the experiences we shared together. the screaming and the shrieking.... and even the torturous singing some of you insist on putting me through.. (you know who you are) i will eventually make new friends to erase this emptiness i have in my heart now but i will never forget you guys. you will always be my dearest friends and i'll always hold you close to my heart and soul. i miss the euphoria of our friendship. the heady rush that accompanies every hug and every smile we shared. even the pinch of cruelty we dish out to each other in our evil snideness is missed with much fondness.

the memories live always. and we will have more to come.

i love you, my dear friends. never forget that i'm still there with you.

Bereft

by Robert Frost

Where had I heard this wind before
Change like this to a deeper roar?
What would it take my standing there for,
Holding open a restive door,
Looking down hill to a frothy shore?
Summer was past and day was past.
Somber clouds in the west were massed.
Out in the porch's sagging floor,
leaves got up in a coil and hissed,
Blindly struck at my knee and missed.
Something sinister in the tone
Told me my secret must be known:
Word I was in the house alone
Somehow must have gotten abroad,
Word I was in my life alone,
Word I had no one left but God.

it's not hard to see who my favourite poet is. *grin*

2003-05-28T09:40:00.000-04:00

check out my new cool link. i found it while surfing for an online job. (sigh. housewife-dom is getting to me. and it's only been a week...)
it's a parody on cyber sex. check out the loser guy. read the whole thing. it's hilarious. check out the deco of the site as well.. CHEEEEEEEESY!

2003-05-24T11:24:00.000-04:00

THE ROAD NOT TAKEN

by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

2003-05-24T11:05:00.000-04:00

we went furniture shopping. america is such a funny place.

i also saw WALMART for the first time. i use CAPS because WALMART is BIG. it is SO BIG that i actually spent almost 2 hours there and bought US$250 worth of groceries and shit.

everybody is SO friendly. and SO perky. and SO BIG! BOOBS ALL OVER THE PLACE!

i also had chili's. lord. the buffalo wings still give me nightmares. americans are so unhealthy it's amazing.

the biggest joke was when i went for chinese food. MY GAWD! it's dead dog awful! never again will i step into that awful restaurant.... not just cos of the disgusting food but also cos it's called "New China Buffet". how cheesy.

i miss you all. *sigh* can't even put to words how much.. except that i wish you were all here.... love you all. will send pics soon.

2003-05-22T20:08:00.000-04:00

for all of you you who are still clueless, i have made it to florida.

been cooking and cleaning and shopping at Walmart.

YIPPEE!!!!!

drop me a line some time. :)

2003-05-01T22:07:00.000-04:00

i now own "You Shall Know Our Velocity". i'm gonna reading it on the plane!!!! yay!!!!!!!

it's going to be so soon before i leave. i remember a time when i was actually wondering if the day will ever come when i'll be able to leave. but now, it's getting really nerve-wrecking. sad, even. i'm gonna miss everybody. it's a terrible feeling to know that i won't be seeing you guys for ages. (at least till my wedding i guess, but still...) i'll be spending a week crying cos i won't have you guys around anymore. Yin, Mel, Cance, Jon, Dave, Emeric, even Shane, Sijie, Jem, Jason... sigh. (even my parents, warped as it may be) i don't know. i'm not going to be changing my mind or anything cos Steve is the best thing that has ever happened to me. but it's hard for now. i'm going to miss you all like crazy. i wish there was some way i could have it all but i guess i can't. i'll miss you all. *sob*

2003-04-30T22:55:00.000-04:00

i got poked yesterday. it was fun. *grin*

p/s: i'm expecting the large barrage of snide comments to be churned out. hehe. can't wait.

2003-04-29T03:05:00.000-04:00

*frantic grasping for support at computer desk* THEY MADE A MOVIE OUT OF DAVE EGGERS FIRST BOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GAWD! i MUST see it.

and yeah i found a review for his new book. go check it out. i put it on my links thingmajig. on your right. --> have fun kids.

"You Shall Know Our Velocity" the title. i will always remember it.

2003-04-29T00:27:00.000-04:00

howdy again children. i was trying to study for my bloody film paper tomorrow and i found out (the things you learn from actually reading the stuff your teachers give you) that trailervision actually went and made a parody of The Blair Witch Project called The Jar Jar Binks Project!!! is that not the most hilarious thing ever? the jar jar binks project. lol. it's a trailer parodying blair witch except in this case, jar jar is being terrorized. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! imagine. just imagine.

they also apparently made a soundtrack for the blair witch project. (which is pretty cool, by the way) but the movie had no music in it. hmm..

here's also a quote i found in my notes. the things you find! amazing!

“After the success of The Blair Witch Project … it seemed that anyone with a dream, a camera and an internet account could get a film made – or, at least, market it cheaply once it was made.”
Abby Ellin, NYT, 2000.

hilarious.

i thought the movie was crap but it's novel i guess and that's always a good thing. novelty. ok i need chocolates now. see ya.

2003-04-28T22:16:00.000-04:00

oh lordy! Dave Eggers (from "A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius" fame) has a new book out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he is sooooooo cool. it is so unfortunate that he doesn't have a proper website out or anything. his new book has another one of those strange titles that you don't really remember until you say it lots of times. but i do know that the word "velocity" is in the title somewhere. that man is SO cool. he's the weirdest thing ever. and his books are damned cool too. sigh. dave.......... *swoon*

i am such a groupie.

2003-04-27T22:44:00.000-04:00

on saturday, i brought gustav and candice to No 5 to see if it's a good enough place for my farewell party. candice clearly didn't know what to say about the place since she was bumbling and sputtering the whole time. gustav of course adored it and was enthralled by the red lanterns hanging outside it. we agreed it is perfect cos it looks like a chinatown brothel. wonderful.

i also bought ridiculous green-purple-white-black striped socks that come to just above my knees. they will be part of the gruesome get-up that gustav is making me wear for the party. it will be absolutely hideous. i'll look like a slag having a party in a bar that looks like a brothel. yippee! (spare the comments, dave) since gustav has blackmailed me to wearing the hideous outfit (if you wanna know how hideous it is, just know that suspenders and those socks are involved) we might as well celebrate Halloween that night too. sigh. the tragedy. i can't wait. *gleeful grin*

2003-04-27T07:48:00.000-04:00

i just watched Frida. my lord. it is the most wonderful show i have watched in such a long time. besides the fact there's lots and lots of sex in it, (all kinds of sex too) it's such an amazing retelling of Frida Kahlo's story. absolutely heart-wrenching. never before has so much pain been presented to exist in just one person. (Salma Hayek does such a good job playing her, by the way. and she has nice tits too.)

it reminds me how seriously people take themselves and how it narrows their minds and spirits. it is because people are so indignant about themselves that they are unable to be strong and face up to their misery. they choose instead to cower and hide behind masks and pretending at control which they hold over other people. especially people they would otherwise love. Frida managed to embrace her pain and face it strongly. she's such a strong woman. even after losing her leg and after watching her husband sleep with her sister, she still lives to succeed and love. who would have the courage to? even her painful death was met with such welcome. she said this:

"I hope the exit will be joyful. and i hope never to return."

she tells us our pain and reminds us of the importance of facing it instead of denying it. sigh. what a woman.

i think i'm gonna make her my new obsession of the month. Audioslave can go take a hike now. *grin*

by the way. for all you bastards out there, here's a classic line from Frida's husband after she caught him sleeping with an American actress. (it just HAD to be an AMERICAN ACTRESS. jeez)

"it was just a fuck. it was as intimate as a handshake."

use it if you ever have the chance to. my god! what a line...

2003-04-25T03:05:00.000-04:00

this is a news bulletin. from this day forth, Yin Mei JJ Lenden-Hitchcock will henceforth be known as GUSTAV. don't ask. just do it. never ask why when it comes to me. *snort*

2003-04-25T01:35:00.000-04:00

Hola my little chickadees. *rubs hands in evil delight* my blog on stevie's site is down and it'll take ages to remake again so i thought i'll just be independent and make one myself. such ambition. so anyhow, here's my new thingmajig and it shall be fun, understood? *growl*

update time.

i went and made myself a fridae profile cos my dear dubious darlings made me. and Jon has such a great time sending me hearts. YIPPEE! JOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
go check it out.

and yesterday i bought the Audioslave CD. they are just about the most amazing group ever. (Dave, you won't like them, they're too noisy for you. hehe) they were like previous members of Rage Against the Machine and Sound Garden. MY GOD! they are absolutely wonderful! never mind the fact that they're pretty scary looking, they're still the most enigmatic music video makers ever! (the big king kong guy with the two bo peep braids and the monster tattoos is so worth checking the band out for) go to the site. when you enter the site, the song you hear is track #1 in the album. Cochise. MARVELOUS! ok i'll shut up now.

and yesterday, (yesterday was the most eventful day in a long time for me. sigh) Jeremy showed me to this really weird bar called No 5 Emerald Hill. it's at (surprise surprise) No 5 Emerald Hill. in the sleazy little alley behind Papa Joe's. (along the road to Centrepoint) it's really quaint. it's great. i'm gonna have me farewell party there. so all you little children who wanna come for it, you know where to find us if i forget to invite you. haha. 17th May-ish. will confirm again.

i hope this stupid blog works better. sigh. the evils of technology. it will bring me to my RUIN, i tell you. MY RUIN!

p/s: and because this is such a cool site. i'm gonna put the link up here for everybody's easy access. that's only cos i love you all.